My head hurts. I just returned from a memorial service of a good friend who passed away a few months ago.
Her Dad tells a story about his 53 year old daughter by the tree where her ashes are scattered.
I know her family has done their share of crying, but today they’re in good spirits. I feel like sobbing but hold back my tears.
Soon after, there’s the familiar pressure in my head like I’ve had so many times in sad movies where I felt like crying but didn’t.
I wonder why we’ve been taught to hold back our emotions. Maybe you’re from a family that freely expressed their emotions, but that wasn’t the case for me. Crying was a sign of weakness. It wasn’t just sadness, we were taught to hold in our anger and at times, to hold back expressing our joy as well.
Over the years I’ve come to realize the importance of expressing my emotions. Days like today shine a light on the effect it has on my body. How it keeps me separate from others. How I’m out of integrity with myself when I don’t reveal what’s true.
My one-woman show “If I Were Me… I’d Know What I Want” is my 50 year journey coming back to myself and learning to express my emotions more freely. At first I thought it was just about me, but as I perform it more I realize how each character in my play has learned their unique way to hide their feelings. For one it’s over-eating, for another it’s over-working, another becomes rigid and numb.
My heart goes out to each of us living in a world that teaches us to repress our natural humanity. We all hurt in one way or another and when we acknowledge our grief we can experience more joy.
If you know any groups who would like to explore this more, I’d be happy to perform my show for them. The talkbacks after witnessing my journey allow for deep sharing. Please contact me via my website. www.PamelaZiemann.com
Beautiful realizations.